So this next post has nothing to do with Breast Cancer...well....mostly nothing. Can ya handle it? Good.
So, back in April, I got sick...I mean, really sick with a nasty, chest-rattling cold. But, I was rehearsing a role and had to push thru the nasty cold.
You see, I had to play Satan in a church production about a battle against Jesus, for the soul of Judas.
<re-reads last sentence>
Yeah...I get to do some kick-ass shit, no?
Anyway, at that time, I was also on Tamoxifen...I say that because it may have contributed to what happened: I blew my vocal chords all to hell.
(See what I did there? Pun? See that? OK fine.)
Anyone who knows me knows I speak with a "whiskey-voice..." you know, raspy. Anyway, it went from raspy to nearly non-existent from April thru June, so I went to the doc and learned I had to have surgery to remove polyps and nodules from my vocal chords.
Well, last week, I had that surgery.
And I haven't said a word, since---STRICT doctor's orders.
Here's where this blog post comes in.
Those who joked they couldn't wait for me to be silent are now counting the days until I can speak again---mostly my kids because they, like all kids, prefer to scream questions from other rooms, rather than come to me with them. Hell, if they could, they'd scream from Maryland, asking me to locate their <needed object>. Now? Now those questions die in the air, unanswered, until they grudgingly come to me. Then, they have to wait for me to write the answer on a whiteboard---and then they whine that they can't read it.
Kids.
To make it easier, I got a "text to speak" app for my phone.
Annnnnnnnnnnnnd they hate that too: Siri has a "creepy" voice. Anyway, that's their problem, not mine.
What is my problem? Going out in public while not being able to speak.
I managed to mostly avoid it (even bagging on back to school shopping) until today, when I needed to get groceries (and the back to school crap).
I avoided the deli counter (kids can take PBJ---ain't nobody got time to write down deli orders with so many people waiting!) and got thru BJ's mostly unhindered...until check out. I had Siri tell the cashier that "due to a surgical procedure, I was unable to respond to her verbally, but would reply via my phone," and Siri thanked her for her patience. Immediately, she dropped volume like we were in church and was intently focused on me when she spoke. I was confused by this until I realized why.
She thought I was deaf.
Now, why, I dunno..."Surgical procedure" and "deaf" are like...totally different. Right? No biggie...I got my crap and thanked her in sign-language, and leave.
Next, I head to KMart for some things for school and my mother-in-law. Since "back to School," is officially "over" I could not find paper and notebooks and the like...so I had to ask. I typed it into Siri and she tells the girl what I need. Again...whispers, intent face-looking and (are you ready?) a guided tour. I mouth, "Thank you," and smile...all the while realizing that as we walked, I was bopping my head to the piped in music.
Think about that for a minute.
I stop, fearing they'll call the "deaf police," on me, thinking me a poser...Plus, I really am not looking to offend deaf people, ya know?
So, off I go to check out with my loot and once again uses Siri to explain my "Surgical procedure silence," and once again, I get dropped volume and "intent" face. I almost wanna laugh at this point...but I keep it together and then, we discover, one item is tagless---I mouth and motion (I am charades Queen!) to the cashier, "I'll grab another one," and take off so she can see that I am quite healthy and quite capable.
And then it hits me. Yeah...I'm a tad battered--I've been thru hell, physically and emotionally--yet here I am, CAPABLE.
Forget "strong" for a minute...because we all walk THAT road, Right?
I am capable.
And with that, I grin like an absolute moron and leave the store parking lot with the music blasting in my open Jeep, not caring who sees me bopping my head.
